Kimsufi mega fail + Maybe some Helps!??

Gentlemen and perhaps some unlucky/Sexy lady(s)

This guy has walked into the mega fail door and doesn't know where to go. I hate posting in forums because I can usually google myself out of most situations but this just isn't one of them.

I am attempting to install an iso as my operating system as part of the kimsufi mega sale that came up today. I would like a vanilla Ubuntu install with the following iso:
http://archive.ubuntu.com/ubuntu/dists/xenial-updates/main/installer-amd64/current/images/netboot/mini.iso

I am following a guide posted here:
https://trick77.com/how-to-set-up-virtual-kvm-vnc-console-ovh-server/

Looks like a pretty sweet and east to follow guide until BAM!!
/tmp/qemu-system-x86_64 -net nic -net user,hostfwd=tcp::80-:80,hostfwd=tcp::443-:443 -m 1024M -localtime -enable-kvm -hda /dev/sda -hdb /dev/sdb -hdd /dev/sdc -vnc 127.0.0.1:0 -cdrom /tmp/mini.iso -boot d

It's like a face palm full of fail!!!!

I get Could not access KVM kernel module: No such file or directory
failed to initialize KVM: No such file or directory

Which makes sense because when I run /tmp/kvm-ok
I GET

INFO: Your CPU does not support KVM extensions
KVM acceleration can NOT be used

I thought running qemu would allow me to mount my super sweet (but soul crushing boring) iso image as its supposed to be a super kvm atom smashing monster. (even though kvm-ok says otherwise which was so confusing other guides suggest that this can be done on an atom cpu)

I would very much like to install my own OS in my newly purchased Kimsufi flash sale server. Any help you gentlemen (and did I say very sexy ladies) (no serious soooo good) could offer would be appreciated.

Thank you in every language that showed up in google without any effort!!!
AFRIKAANS – dankie
ALBANIAN – faleminderit
ARABIC – shukran
ARMENIAN – Շնորհակալություն / chnorakaloutioun
BOSNIAN – hvala (HVAH-lah)
BULGARIAN – благодаря / blagodaria
CATALAN – gràcies (GRAH-syuhs)
CANTONESE – M̀h’gōi
CROATIAN – hvala (HVAH-lah)
CZECH – děkuji (Dyekooyih)
DANISH – tak (tahg)
DUTCH – dank u
ESTONIAN – tänan (TA-nahn)
FINNISH – kiitos (KEE-tohss)
FRENCH – merci
GERMAN – danke
GREEK – ευχαριστώ (ef-hah-rees-TOH)
HAWAIIAN – mahalo (ma-HA-lo)
HEBREW – .תודה / todah (toh-DAH)
HINDI – dhanyavād / shukriya
HUNGARIAN – köszönöm (KØ-sø-nøm)
ICELANDIC – takk (tahk)
INDONESIAN – terima kasih. (tuh-REE-mah KAH-see)
ITALIAN – grazie (GRAHT-tsyeh)
JAPANESE – arigatô (ah-ree-GAH-toh)
KOREAN – 감사합니다 (gamsahamnida)
LATVIAN – paldies (PUHL-dyehs)
LEBANESE – choukrane
LITHUANIAN – ačiū (AH-choo)
MACEDONIAN – Благодарам / blagodaram (blah-GOH-dah-rahm)
MALAY – terima kasih (TREE-muh KAH-seh)
MALTESE – grazzi (GRUTS-ee)
MANDARIN – Xièxiè
MONGOLIAN – Баярлалаа (bayarlalaa)
NORWEGIAN – takk
POLISH – dziękuję (Jenkoo-yen)
PORTUGUESE – obrigado [masculine] / obrigada [feminine] (oh-bree-GAH-doo / oh-bree-GAH-dah)
ROMANIAN – mulţumesc (mool-tzoo-MESK)
RUSSIAN – спасибо (spuh-SEE-buh)
SERBIAN – xвала / hvala (HVAH-lah)
SLOVAK – Ďakujem (JAH-koo-yehm)
SLOVENIAN – hvala (HVAA-lah)
SPANISH – gracias (GRAH-syahs)
SWEDISH – tack
TAMIL – nandri
THAI – kop khun
TURKISH – teşekkür ederim (teh shek uer eh der eem)
UKRAINIAN – Дякую (DYAH-koo-yoo)
WELSH – diolch (DEE-ol’ch)
YIDDISH – a dank
ZULU – ngiyabonga